Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Ramblings of a Retired Mind

Truth to tell I liked this page of "Retired" observations that came to me via email. Since I don't have a link for them I am using the October Years blog to do that. It's not my usual blog material, but I hope you enjoy it.

---I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my
garage door opener.
---I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
---You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
---I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
---I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it  'Pumping Rust'.
---I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
---When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
---Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!
---I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.
---As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
---Birds of a feather flock together .. . .and then Poop on your car.
---A penny saved is a government oversight.
---The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
---The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
---He who hesitates is probably right.
---Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
---If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
---The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..
---Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'
---Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
---One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
---Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . ... . . .    AMEN  

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