HER TURN TO BE HEARD

I have spent fifteen years posting my own rambling, often-disjointed thoughts in this blog form. In that time I have covered a wide range of topics that seemed to me appropriate for late-life readers……those of us dealing with what I call The October Years. And, of course, since I call this “a writer’s blog,” I have ‘sected and di-sected’ the stories I have told over the years.

But before you are turned off by the distressing possibility of another replay of “Gil and his stories,” let me assure you that my admittedly biased opinions of those Tanner Chronicle tales will not be found here. Not today.

Instead, I am adding a new voice to the conversation. Allow me to offer a bit of context.

In the months following Roma’s July, 2022 passing I let myself get lost in a lengthy process of creating new covers for each of my October Years paperbacks……the stories were unchanged, only the covers were new.

When the first ‘new’ version arrived I replaced the older copy on the living room bookshelf. As I did that I found a handwritten note inside the old paperback. To my surprise Roma had reread the story and created a brief review……her opinion of the story and the characters. Before I was done I had found eleven of those reviews among the paperbacks on that shelf.

Understand, from the beginning Roma had read every chapter of every story as I completed it. She was my proofreader and grammar coach ……correcting my writing, but rarely critiquing the story I was telling.

Suddenly that had changed. Though I had never paid for a review, and for reasons I never understood Amazon would not allow reviews of my books, in a matter of months after her drawn-out,, cancer-induced passing there she was, in her own handwriting, offering the blunt and to-the-point opinions I would have expected from her.

Truth to tell, I accept the praise she offers for the stories and characters she likes all the more because she is equally inclined to point out the flaws and failings of the stories and characters she does not find appealing. That is the lady I love……going straight to the heart of the matter.

And that is what I offer you today……eleven reviews in Roma’s own words, each one with a brief introduction to set the scene.  As one who walked that storytelling path with me, it seems only right that she has the last words on these matters.

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SECOND CHANCES is a two book story of the widowed Harris brothers and their Geriatric Adolescence adventures.

Roma……I really liked this book. It was so well written and very believable. I could feel the love the brothers had for each other. I enjoyed their banter back and forth.

My least favorite character was Claudia. She is a wimp. I don’t understand people like her. Sure she had a hard life, but she didn’t try to make it any easier for herself. Luckily Gary saw more in her than I did.

Even though I’d read the story before I was still worried and excited about Elly’s adventure with Tom. It was like watching a movie.

I didn’t like Tom (of course.) But in the end I felt sorry for him. He really did love Elly.

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LONG WAY HOME is a continuation of the Harris brothers’ story.

Roma……I liked the second half of the Harris brothers saga almost as much as the first.

At first I found the Freedom City and Baja episodes a little unbelievable, but you did such a good job writing them that they became believable.

I am always amazed at your descriptions. Do you use a map to check out places and distances?

Even though I had read the story before and knew how it would turn out, I still shed a tear when Laura got back to the family.

The whole soulmate thing surprised me. I though you were more of a believer than that! 

Good job!!!

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BECOMING tells of Carl Postell leaving his wife to become a writer, then falling for his father’s caretaker.

Roma……I have to start by saying I did not enjoy this book very much. It was well written and you certainly developed the story well. My hang up is primarily because I did not like Carl Postell.

To me he was a very selfish man. I’m not sure he ever loved his wife. It didn’t seem like it. Thirty seven years went down the drain because he wanted to write and his wife was a bother and a nag. 

Did that happen overnight? Did he ever try to explain his passion in a way she could maybe understand? He certainly was much more anxious to bend his rules for Maria. (Who did not deserve it.)

He was an only child, yet he could only be bothered to have (a free) lunch with his dad a couple times a week. No rides, movies, etc. He was even thinking of leaving him alone at Christmas. No, I did not like this guy. I think he got what he deserved.

I’ve never known anyone like Maria, so I can’t really comment on her……but I didn’t really like her either.

I thought the friend, Jack, was a person I can’t relate to. He had no ambition other than to pursue a dream from his childhood. How sick is that? I’m glad for Cynthia, but I think she could have done better.

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BEST FRIENDS AND PROMISES follows Aaron Peck as his wife sinks into dementia, and he and Johnny Blanton cope with late-life.

Roma……The first time I read this story I didn’t like it. Maybe it was the subject matter. I don’t know. But you’ve smoothed it out some and did such a great job telling the story that I’ve changed my mind.

I love how you develop your characters. I can visualize them and feel like I know them. Johnny to me was definitely Joel. The others were no particular people, just friends.

I’m not sure Aaron and Beverly are going to make their promises work in the long haul unless Leona has an early demise.

Good job!

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CONVERSATIONS WITH SARAH Hank deals with Sarah’s passing by visiting with the Clabber Girl Baking Powder tin that holds her ashes. 

(Confession…Roma’s ashes reside in my Cave, in a Clabber Girl Baking Powder tin.)

Roma……..I was prepared not to like this story. Your depiction of Sarah dying reminded me too much of watching your Mom die. It brought up images I’ve tried to forget. 

And I wasn’t sure if some guy talking to a tin can was going to work. But as the story progressed I got caught up in Hank's adventure and the characters, and found it really enjoyable. (Are widows truly the predators you make them out to be?)

I was glad that Jimmy came along to save Grace from her dull life. She must have been ready, because she adjusted pretty quickly.

I like the way you manage to incorporate some of our adventures into your stories.

I liked it.

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GOING POOR Lane Tipton is a dreamer whose dreams have failed him.

ROMA……This was not my favorite book. Mainly, I didn’t like the topic. You told the story well. I like how the ending worked out, but I couldn’t identify with the two women. 

No one in my acquaintance would invite a guy into her trailer after a couple weeks. And Marla was so whinny and needy. They had gotten along on their own for months and all of a sudden they both caved.

I always enjoy the detail you provide, weaving your story. That part is believable, but the women got in the way.

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OCTOBER BOLD David and Marian were two timid souls, thousands of miles apart……. wondering if they should be together.

Roma……I liked the story very much. I think I might have recognized Marian.

I have to say I’ve never experienced love at first sight. I know it happens, but I don’t really understand it. I think your characters were having a little problem with it too.

I liked the way your were able to use your own ladder mishap to such good advantage.

All in all, it was an enjoyable read……except for one thing. Everyone kept referring to her as “That Oregon lady” or “That Tanner woman,” and they referred to him as “That Iowa guy” or “That Iowa farmer.” Why not use their names?

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BREATHING UNDERWATER Jim and Anita were facing their own ‘underwater’ reality. The need to downsize was disappointing, but real.

Roma……The first time I read this book, I really didn’t like it. It was hitting too close to my own feelings at the time. I can read it now, and enjoy it. I guess I have “settled in.”

The characters were very believable, but I couldn’t identify with any of them. The husband was a saint to put up with that whinny wife, the wife was a loser, as was the son. The daughter and grand daughter had possibilities.

I think Jim deserves better.

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FAMILY MATTERS Dan and Nell can not agree on their retirement future. What can come of that?

Roma……Amazon won’t let me post a reviews so this will have to do.

I like the book. I recognized some of the characters.

I was upset with Dan and Gary. From my point of view (and eventually yours) they were a couple of selfish, insensitive clods. But you turned them around in the end.

I was not too fond of Nell either. I don’t care much for “poor me” feminine women.

I thought Dan’s adventures and the people he met in his travels were very likable and believable.

I think you can be very proud of your effort here.

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FOREVER STARTS NOW was my first novel, written in England and hidden in a closet for thirty years before igniting a new round of storytelling.

Roma……I really liked this story. It was more in line with the books I read. It was well written, suspenseful……but sad.

We all know there are kids like Ross who are picked on by other kids and ignored by the adults who should be protecting them. Add to that the fact that his neighborhood had none of the ‘nicer’ amenities that might have drawn him in.

I liked Wilson, but the girl was little over the top for me. Would a kidnapped girl really get that attached to a kid that had shot a cop and kidnapped her?

Anyway, it was a good read. You should do more of this!!!

 

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INDIAN SUMMER AT HORSESHOE RANCH is a kid’s story I wrote and read to our kids when we ranched in Eastern Oregon.

Roma…..I though this was a great kid’s story. What kid wouldn’t want to move to a ranch, have their own horse, and find an Indian treasure. It was realistic (unless you were a Stewart kid) and exciting.

How did you know so much about Indian stuff? You’re amazing!

There you have it. What a blessing it was, the surprising discovery of her reviews. It was like having her right here with me. In the process it revitalized our Clabber Girl conversations.

And what was all the fuss about? These links (LINK #1) and (LINK#2) will take you there.

FILLING EMPTY PAGES

I will confess, there are times when my blog rambling is the product of a timid, sometimes lonely old mind. When I pause to consider why I keep filling empty pages with such fluffy stuff I realize that what I am really hoping for is a conversation……an exchange of thoughts and ideas with folks who are facing the same existential challenges that haunt my octogenarian days.

And here I am again……hoping to plant a few seeds and elicit a response or two. If your late-life world includes a normal helping of frustration, aloneness, and missing ‘what used to be’……all of them signs of a new lifestyle I am not sure I will ever get used to……chances are you can relate.

Like you, over the years I have come to understand that life is sometimes hard. There are moments when it literally hurts. Fact is, I think it is meant to be that way. How else can we learn the lessons we are meant to learn? That is why we are here.

Could it be that those who have moved on to a better place……the ones we miss so much……had learned the lessons they were meant to learn and were ready for the next level? If so, does that mean those of us who are still here have not finished our ‘learning process’? Do we still have some homework to complete before we ‘graduate’?

That ‘homework’ notion illustrates one of my primary late-life dilemmas. Here I am, with eighty-seven years on my odometer, and a lifetime of experience behind me……some of it good, some not-so-good. What makes me think there are still things for me to do, or avoid?

My short answer to that late-life question is simple enough. I am still here. I have not been called to the great beyond……which seems to suggest I have yet to complete my ‘to-do list.’ If sixty-seven years of Roma’s logic taught me anything at all, it was this……”You can’t move on until you’ve finished the work at hand.” So there must be more for me to do.

All of which begs the question……what sort of homework have I left undone? I suppose if you are one of the lucky ones you have your remaining action plan all worked out. And good for you. As for me, I guess I will continue down this slippery slope, doing what seems to make sense, and hoping the right reasons for carrying on will cross my path.

I must admit one of the most interesting ‘right reasons’ I have found in my October Years blog travels has been the opportunity to explore a bit of my own personal history in a way I never expected when I first dipped my toe in the blogging pond.

For reasons I still find hard to understand I decided to get in touch with as many of my long-ago high school classmates as I could reach. Using alumni rosters and a bit of detective work I compiled a list of email addresses……what I called the Class of 55……who would receive my periodic blog posts. 

As you would expect, those classmates numbers have dwindled over time. Or perhaps some have simply given up on an old guy’s blog. Yet it seems that some of us survivors retain an interest, perhaps even a need, to stay in touch with our roots.

I can only speak for myself, but as our late-life world grows smaller and more vulnerable, I continue to welcome the chance to remain in contact with those folks. Though few of us were ever close friends it seems that we share a common bit of history, as well as a common place in this shrinking world we call ‘late-life.’

So, even when there seems to be little reason for some of my blogging efforts, I expect I will show up in your email inbox from time to time just to stay in touch. Beyond that, I hope no one is offended to hear that I sometimes remember to include those Class of 55ers in my stumbling prayer efforts.

So until next time, stay safe and keep on doing your homework. And if you are so inclined, let us know how your world is treating you.

CONNECTING OUR DOTS

 

               

         “An unexamined life is not worth living.”

               Socrates

“Only as we look back at the course our footprints have traced do we fully understand  how we have read life’s inkblot.”

                                                           Huston Smith

                 

I happen to believe those old fellows have it right. I suppose that accounts for today’s change of pace. Rather than offering a dose of my pseudo-wisdom, I hope to nudge you toward a return to bits of your own history……a return to times, places, and people that were important to you.

There are, of course, many way to ‘examine’ an ‘unexamined’ life. After all, every one of us October/November folks has spent decades gathering our own unique collection of life-shaping influences and experiences ……a very personal blend of unsolicited possibilities and life-choices that have helped make us the person we have become……a one-of-a-kind individual.

Truth is, we are the result of a lifetime of influences and choices……the ones I’ll call ‘Dots.’ But how many of those ‘inputs,’ those ‘Dots’……do we even remember?

With that in mind, let’s consider today’s homework assignment……an examination of your own life by connecting those ‘Dots,’the markers that chart our trek to Becoming. I invite you to recall events and/or people who had a meaningful impact on your life’s path.

We don’t need to account for all those ‘Dots,’ just the most important ones. Without overthinking the process, I invite you to choose a handful of moments that highlight your course to Now. To be sure, it will be an incredibly personal and altogether unique journey you chart from one important impact to another.

For all of us, those meaningful events began early in life. But how often do we take the time to revisit those early times, like our grade school years, recalling the moments that stand out for us……the ones that made such an impact that we remember them to this day?

In hopes of jogging your memory, let me offer an example of one of my earliest ‘Dots.’ It was a first-grade afternoon when I came home from school to find the front door locked, and Mom nowhere in sight. A quick peek through the front window confirmed my worst fears. The living room was empty, without a stick of furniture. My family, Mom, Dad, and brother Roger, had left……without me. I call that a ‘Dot,’ and I remember vividly that sense of being left alone.

Or perhaps you dealt with an early-life ‘Dot’ that did not hinge on a single dramatic moment, but instead was an ongoing trial……one that haunted you for months, even years.

Apparently my learning to talk came with a stutter, right from the beginning. Before my school years it was no great handicap. But once I ventured into the social world of education that impediment would be an anchor I dragged behind me all through my school years…..dictating so many choices in my young life.

How about you? Can you, or are you willing to, retrieve any of your earliest ‘Dots’……the ones you still remember after all those years?

And then, with adolescence, we would come face to face with what might be labeled ‘relational Dots.’ (If you are a guy, you called them ‘girls.’) Odds are, whether you are a guy or a gal, those were some of your most memorable ‘Dots.’

Truth to tell, as a timid, stuttering young high-school junior I was simply steamrolled by that bold and brazen sophomore lass. Pulling me into a wider world, with interesting new possibilities, she pushed me to stand up for myself. Heck, we argued about my unwillingness to argue.

And then came perhaps the most consequential ‘Dot’ generator of all.  Leaving behind the constraints of home and high school, we set off to experience the real world. Whether it was work, college, the military, or some other pursuit, we were on the road to adulthood.

For me it would be college, and the most important of all the ‘Dots’ I encountered on my life-path. For the next sixty-seven years everything, for me and our family, would be framed by Roma’s firm and caring presence.

That led quite naturally to our Family Years…..some of the best of my personal ‘Dots.’ I’m guessing those times produced your share of highlights and positive ‘Dots.’ After all, we were adults by then, in a hopefully fruitful partnership, with some idea of how to get things done.

Sadly, for some of us those times would include a few pitfalls. Though, as a not-so-slightly spoiled son, I had learned that I could grow the family business……but didn’t really want to do that. After an extended ‘mid-life’ crisis……grad school, ranching, and a European writing escape……it would take a disastrous economic downturn to set things right. (A truly negative ‘Dot’ that did me a world of good.)

Once back on track again, I found a new and more satisfying career. Instead of having people working ‘for’ me, I was working ‘with’ people. Turned out I was good at that……which helped produce a very upbeat ‘Dot.’

If stepping out from high school into the real world was one of life’s most impactful ‘Dots,’ then surely retirement must rank in that same life-changing category. There we were, free at last, facing so many possibilities, with so many potential ‘Dots’ for us to choose from

In my case, it would take seven years of retirement to sort things out. I had tried many of the recommended  strategies……travel, gardening, hobbies, reading, etc……with minimal results, before I finally stumbled onto my favorite late-life ‘Dot’……blogging, telling stories and filling a bookcase shelf with the results.

And that brings us to now. I hope you have made a few mental notes along the way……capturing some of your own ‘Dots,’ those special times that helped shape and motivate the ‘You’ you have become…….moments so worth revisiting.

But, of course, our story does not end there. What sort of ‘Dots’ lie waiting for us on the road ahead? No matter what our age, no matter what our past, whether we like it or not there is no avoiding or evading the future……which invariably arrives complete with new possibilities and new choices to be made.

We have charted the path of our personal history using meaningful ’Dots,’ those special moments created by the choices we have made along the way. But that was all in the past. 

Today we are in a time called NOW. Are we ready to shape and mould the ‘Dots’ that await us on the rest of our journey? 

Fact is, we can't do nothing. Ready or not, there will be no avoiding the need to keep moving in some direction. As always, the path we take will be determined by the choices we make.