Wednesday, January 29, 2025

TOO OLD TO BE BOLD?

I have told the story before on these pages……of the night, just days before her passing, when in the darkness of our living room the two of us sat in adjoining recliners. It was there that Roma Joy, the lady with whom I had spent sixty-seven years trying to make sense of life, squeezed my hand, smiled her magical smile, and calmly made her point.

“You know,” she began. “I am really glad it is working out the way it is……with me being the first to go.”

I don’t remember what I said in the awkward moment, or if I said anything at all. In any case, she was not through.

“I know that I couldn’t go on alone,” she continued. “I just couldn’t do that. But you can. You will be able to carry on. That is what you will have to do……'carry on' for you and the kids.”

So it was, with those few words……followed by minutes of thoughtful silence ……that sweet lady had spelled out my late-life commission…… raising questions I have yet to answer, though I know I must keep on trying.

Lest I forget, let me state right here that Roma was (and is) a strong soul. I have no doubt that she could have ‘carried on’ just fine. That, however,  was not the way things worked out. Instead, I was the one left to carry on, facing a late-life future……the kind that has always been trying, and in some ways has become increasingly so in out modern world.

I hope you will consider today’s October Years post as a message from all of us who look ahead to what feels like an increasingly limited future, asking ourselves how we are meant to make the most of it.

I invite you to join me on the walk that many of us late-lifers walk every day……a stroll that begins with the question……”How can I walk these last miles alone, without her help?” How can I overcome the ‘alone’ part of my circumstances?

I will admit that has become a subject of continuing conversation……if only with myself and her. In the beginning it was meant to be a wider, ongoing dialogue ……hopefully with others joining in along the way. 

Though any one of these October Years posts is likely to reach one hundred or more readers, truth to tell, I am lucky if one or two of those folks actually join the conversation via the ‘Comments’ option. Still, when it feels like I have have something to say I will keep talking to myself.

I have made my share of mistakes in the course of my eighty-eight years. Just this morning as I lay in bed (a misnomer…since I sleep in my recliner) I was replaying some of those remembered miscues ……ones that will not let themselves be forgotten. Though I may have cringed a bit, I was also laughing at how stupid I had sometimes been in my glory days. I take it to be a good sign that I can see the humor in those missteps.

But before I get too far off track let me return to the point I want to make. On average we (all of us) are living longer. Though divorce is common in many cultures, it is also true that marriages are lasting longer. I consider that a blessing……which comes with its own downside. Folks like you and me are becoming widows and widowers at an older age……left to face late-life without the enabling support of a life-partner……having to ‘carry on’ in a too-often lonely and isolated world.

Many of us decided years ago that we would not allow ourselves to end up in some sort of ‘senior care facility’……the ‘old folks warehouses’ we have long dreaded. I count myself among those hold outs.

Yet the folks I know who have taken that ‘senior facility’ route……no matter how reluctantly……have invariably gained a social environment that was too often missing in their ‘pre-warehouse’ life.

As you might have guessed by now, when I spend my too-lonely late-life hours dwelling at length on how to use the time I am allotted, the result is likely to have me rehashing my thoughts with Roma, creating extended conversations, something more than our daily visits.

Then, if the topic is urgent enough, there will be a few days, and semi-sleepless nights, assembling those thoughts, putting them on paper, replaying them for her, and finally posting them in these pages.

Of course I am hoping that my ramblings will be read, and even ‘Commented’ on, yet by the time they appear on this site the process will have served it purpose for me……recording my thoughts and taking part in our ongoing dialogue.

So go figure. Try to make sense of it. I am the guy who spent an October decade writing self-published Geriatric Adolescence books, a dozen of them, about fellows who were looking for a late-life ‘second chance.’ 

It was only after Roma’s exit that I wondered if those stories were the reason she thought I would be able to ‘carry on’ in her absence. If so she was wrong. Because by then I had realized that I was not a ‘second chance’ kind of guy.

When I pause to consider the stories I wrote, and what drove the late-life ‘seekers’ I depicted, I realize that their actions called for a special sort of boldness. One of the books was actually title October Bold.

But ‘bold’ is a relative term. My ‘bold’ may not look ‘bold’ to you. In the course of the last couple years I have come to understand that a handful of ongoing email/phone conversations suit me just fine, providing all the ‘boldness’ I was looking for.

When I finally realized that approach worked for me my natural instinct was to write a modest little book making that point. Turned out that Geriatric Adolescence managed to define the ‘bold’ that fits me. 

Looking back, it seems like a late-life 'to-do' list ought to include taking the time to consider with feels like 'bold' to you in your October/November circumstances. Good luck with that.

Sunday, January 5, 2025

SOME HABITS ARE HARD TO BREAK

 It is sometimes a challenge, trying not to repeat myself in these late-life blog offerings. Still, in the course of nearly 300 posts that has occasionally happened……and it will happen again today. And why not, if that is where my aging mind leads me.

Case in point……today’s return to the wonders of ‘Remembering’ was triggered by our family’s recent Christmas Eve gathering, and the simple, but revealing game my daughter and daughters-in-law had us play. With the thirteen or fourteen of us gathered in the living room, our instructions were not at all complicated……one by one we were instructed to ”Describe your earliest memories of Christmas.”

It took a while, and a few stumbling starts, for each of us to follow our thoughts back to those memorable moments. Truth to tell, our responses ranged from humorous to poignant. But each of us, in our own way, was able to trace their way back to some special Christmas memory.

Later that evening my thoughts returned to that brief exercise, moving from those Christmas related memories to some of the other special recollections I have accumulated in the course of my years, and stored away in my sometimes fallible memory bank. 

Truth to tell, there are days when it seems that a sizable portion of my 'home-alone-all-day' hours are spent visiting, even reliving, some of the experiences that have delivered me to this point in my life journey. Seems to me that comes with the territory. After all, if you are like me you are blessed with a lot more ‘past’ than ‘future.’

Besides, in the days of our youth, before videos and a camera in every pocket, it was those memories passed down from one stage of life to the next that documented our personal histories. Now days it seems that once-reliable memory chain is not as functional as it used to be.

That seems to me a shame. After all, among other things ‘remembering’ is an effective way of conserving energy. ‘Doing,’or ‘redoing’ some of those things that were so special in their day is probably out of the question given my present physical capabilities. I know for sure that my eighty-eight year old body isn’t up to doing a lot of I remember.

Yet my octogenarian mind is usually able to reconstruct, replay, even relive many of those youthful adventures. Better yet, with a modest bit of editing I am sometimes able to inject a greater sense of satisfaction and accomplishment than I remember having the first time around.

Of course, there will moments of contradiction. To be sure those memories were born of reality…..at least as we experienced it. But even the most realistic bits of reality can gather new meaning over the years……reshaping and reemphasizing the original event……helping those moments fit more comfortably into the personal history we may have occasionally reedited to suit our needs.

Then there are those times when we must deal with a situation that reminds us of something we have faced before……only to realize that today’s responses, in today’s context, are no longer within reach, not the way they once were. Things have changed, and a changing world requires flexible reactions. Which has me wondering……how flexible is my memory?

Still, why shouldn’t we make ‘remembering’ a habit? If you are like me, dragging decades of memories behind you……some of them good, some not-so-good……why not revisit the lessons we learned along the way, especially the ones we wished we had learned better the first time.

It seems to me that our own memory profiles, the way we mark our path through life, are as uniquely personal as our fingerprints……a one-of-a-kind blend of experienced events, ideas, and persons that is ours alone ……always close at hand, ready to be revisited.

And beyond the emotional satisfaction of reliving good times, if you are one of those who believe that your earthly journey is meant to have a purpose, perhaps a review of the memories you have filed away over the the years will provide reminders of where your path was intended to lead.

In closing, I for one will remember 2024 for many reasons. Those twelve up-and-down months added their own input to my overflowing memory files. Still, I must confess that I am not too interested I reliving those often chaotic days. Instead, I will try to retrieve the memories worth saving, and move on toward the future. 

What say you? Does 'remembering' help you deal with the world we face each morning?


Friday, December 13, 2024

WHAT IF 'LOVE' DOESN'T WORK FOR ME?


It is the Christmas season, a spiritually significant time for many folks……a time that celebrates the comforting, even theological notion of ‘Love.’


Here’s hoping I can say what I want to say without offending too many folks. You see, I’ve been wondering about the times when that word,“Love, doesn’t seem to say what we mean? At least in my mind there are times when that single syllable, the one we throw around so carelessly, just doesn’t work?


But let’s begin with an even more obvious question. “What gives me of all people the right to sound like I know what I am talking about?”


And the only answer I can offer is that somewhere along the way I realized that I have too often settled for the easy way out……those times when I have simply nodded my agreement with someone’s ‘Love’ statement and carried on.


So what does that have to do with anything? Let’s see if I can explain. I’ll begin with the fact that in today’s world many of our most ‘American’ Americans like to proclaim that we are a Christian nation……or at least we were in the beginning. Though I am not here to debate that claim, I do sometimes wonder what that means to those folks.


So it was, when I turned to what I had been taught as a youngster is a pillar of that Christian faith……The Sermon on the Mount……I found myself bumping into an unexpected theological question. 


What if the Biblically provided words of Matthew’s Gospel don’t seem sufficient when measured by today’s language usage? Is paraphrasing the Divine allowed? Is it okay to dig a little deeper?


You see, they don’t exactly work for me……those “Love your neighbor, Love your enemy” instructions the Sermon preaches. I don’t suppose I ought to admit that, but that is how it seems to me.


And the problem I have is with that single word……”Love.”……It seems to me such an imprecise, awkward, often misused word……one that apparently means different things to different people.


In today’s world we speak of “Loving our spouse,” or ‘Loving’ a beautiful sunset. I can even “Love my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” Fact is, in its present usage that single word is so imprecise, so overused. It can mean so many things. 


So what did the biblical Jesus have in mind when his sermon told us to “Love our enemy”? Fortunately, he took the time to offer several examples of what that ‘Love’ meant to Him, and how it ought to be lived out……in a life of compassion, selflessness, and caring for the poor and marginalized.


That has me wondering what today’s True Believers, the proud sponsors of a ‘new direction’ for our nation, are stressing when they claim to “Love their enemy”?


I’m guessing that at one time or another each of us has been told, “Say what you really mean.” Chances are we have told our own children they can prove what is important to them by what they “do,” rather than what they “say.” “If you believe it, let if show in your actions.”


In the end, reciting “Love your neighbor, Love your enemy,” tells the world less about what you believe than the way you live out that ‘Love.’ 


We prove our ‘Love’ by acting out our caring in a caring way……by being aware of those ‘other persons’ and their needs……showing empathy……feeling their trials……wanting the best for them……in ways that Jesus’ sermon led us beyond the “Love’ words, by urging us to ‘walk the walk.’


Which brings me back to my personal inability to passively accept ‘Love’ as a sufficient way to label the behavior expected of me. ‘Love’ is a word to be lived, not simply spoken.


When all is said and done I am left with a pair of overriding questions. 


Is today’s ‘Christian Nation’……which claims to be leading us into a new MAGA-inspired future ……committed to the cause of ‘living out’ the ‘Love’  that Jesus spoke of......the compassion, and caring for the poor and marginalized that he expects of us? 


Is our new administration, with its ‘Retribution’ rhetoric, the one the American people have chosen for themselves, and which that ‘Christian Nation’ has so loyally supported, willing to ‘Walk His walk,” putting people ahead of power and profits?


I pray that they are.




about the times when “Love”

Ain’t 





AzAAAin’t

Tuesday, December 3, 2024

'TIS THE SEASON TO BE.......

 If you are like me there are times when it is hard to wrap your mind around the conflicting bits of logic. The hectic holidays that end our calendar year ……Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years……offer the promise and celebration of thankfulness, caring, and hope for the future. We hear those claims over and over as the holiday frenzy mounts.

Yet the experts who study such things are quick to remind us that same holiday atmosphere is for many folks a time of anxiety, loneliness, and sagging hopes. All around us a significant portion of the population hears the supposedly upbeat messages of the season, yet remains convinced that those blessings have not found a home in their world. For those folks the Christmas Grinch is a personal, very real reality.

Which of those conflicting possibilities speak to us? Or does your holiday-meter swing back and forth, touching both highs and lows. Regardless of what our moods reflect……be it financial anxiety, craved-for success, relational elation or disappointment, or a spiritual reality that has us feeling hopeful or depressed……we must continue to move ahead……both for ourselves and our fellow travelers, especially those is need.

The fortunate among us will have the caring support of family and friends to help us weather the holiday craziness……and thank God for that.

Yet we ought not turn a blind eye to the many appeals for help the season brings ……from Salvation Army bell-ringers to the flood of mailings seeking our help. Lord knows we can’t help everyone in need. But most of us October/November types can choose a particular charity that appeals to us, and support it in a meaningful way.

So many folks need our help. And by this stage of life we realize that we need to be helping. It is good for us. Besides, it can mean more than a cash outlay. It might include taking a few minutes to check in with someone who may not live their life in the holiday mainstream. A few brief moments spent giving your undivided attention to someone who feels left out of the season’s festivities can be a most precious gift……one that you will feel better for having given.

Here’s hoping our holiday season includes moments of thankful reflection on the many ways we have been blessed……and how we might share those blessings.

Friday, November 15, 2024

BUCKLE UP ! THERE IS A NEW CIRCUS IN TOWN

HANG OF

It has the feel of a new day dawning……revealing a future we have yet to see clearly. Seems to me that the ultimate message is still hidden behind a shroud of puzzling pronouncements, and a new crop of national leaders and Efficiency Experts that have yet to come into focus.


Is there anything we can do to prepare for “the new United States government”? Fact is, we don’t yet know what it will look like……that still-murky future proclaimed by a recently elected leader, and the newly empowered cast of characters who have emerged from the fringes to take center stage.


What can we say or do to ease the anxious wondering of thousands, even millions of potential victims of proposed job cuts, relocations, and deportations……the folks our new leaders are so eager to send to the sidelines? Even when those changes are the product of financial logic, what will be the effect on our already fragile social fabric?


Though there may be moments along the way when our congressional representatives have an opportunity to affirm, deny, or alter those new government edicts, chances are the course is set. 


Don’t forget, a majority of our people asked the Ringmaster to step up and take charge. He told us all very bluntly about the changes he had in mind……and enough voters agreed to the future they heard in his words.


All of us, including the fifty percent of our population who voted to adopt this new path, will have to find ways to adapt. That will certainly be true for those who find themselves without a paycheck in the name of governmental efficiency.


You and I may choose to either encourage or resist that change, but no matter how we decide to respond let’s not lose sight of a most important given……each of us is responsible for the life-path we choose to walk. We mustn’t let any government decide that for us.


So buckle up, folks. The new roller coaster ride is about to begin. It is what our people chose, what they voted for. Hang on tight, because no one knows just where it will take us.

Monday, October 28, 2024

ELECTION DRAMA AND CHAOS


Here we are, in the last days of another “Too close to call” race that leads to who knows where. The runners, at every level from President to Dogcatcher, are feeling the heat. Their promises grow more compelling and outlandish by the day. AI fueled ads are spreading disinformation like peanut butter……and it gets harder to know what is real and what is illusion.

It is, after all, big business……the endless TV ads, the mega-rallies, and the mega donations. The media giants love the hoopla, and the profits.

Damn! Sometimes democracy can get a little crazy.

Democracy. The word itself is meant to refer to the “the people,” the great masses who cast their votes and choose their leaders That’s right……democracy is supposed to be about “us”……you and me. Is that the way it actually works?

Once the winners are decided the spoils will be assigned and divided. Some folks will get what they wanted. Others will have won a sense of loss. And, you might ask, what about me? How will I be feeling? What will the results mean to me?

In my muddled mind, as I watch the swirl of election madness come closer, I am occasionally  inclined to stake my claim on one side or the the other.  Then I pause to remind myself that it is time to keep both feet on the ground, ready to walk whatever path emerges from the chaos.

To be sure, our role is to vote……to vote for what seems right to us.

Yet, no matter what the outcome I must be ready to live in the world as it is, and will become. After all, I am convinced that no one else has a greater role in shaping my future……whatever it may be……than I do. As always, whatever future we face, now is the time for me to consider what works best for me and mine.

It seems to me that in a world too often dominated by ‘extremes’ my future is best served by seeking the middle ground.….the path that deals with those extremes when necessary. Time will tell how well that approach serves me.

Wednesday, October 9, 2024

CAN. YOU SPARE A PRAYER?


There are some things in life that I have never mastered. I may have danced around the edges, and tried to do better……but it still feels like I have come up short.


Can you relate to that sense of failing? I suppose every one of us can remember times when we could not “get with the program” as well as we wanted.


So what is it that has me revisiting my own periodic sense of coming up short? What failing would be worth the effort to fill an empty blog page with my ramblings? 


Truth to tell, my list of shortcomings probably includes more than a few candidates. But right now my focus is on one particular, and altogether important activity, And that, my friend, has to do with my often stumbling inability to PRAY effectively.


That’s right. On this day in October I am sensing a deep deficiency in my ability to compose, speak, and feel the prayerful thoughts I long to express.


It is not something I brag about……my intermittent prayer life. My efforts are apt to be brief, and short of the preferred solemnity. But I often feel the need to express my gratitude for the way life has blessed me. When I sense that need I am inclined to offer thanks in an often informal way.


So it is, I can offer my prayers of thanksgiving. But when it comes to petitions for Divine assistance, especially for others, I seem to come up short. And that is exactly where I am today……watching news reports of storms marching through Hurricane Alley, and fellow humans who may well be losing everything…….through no fault of their own.


How can we, with our feeble prayers, enlist the help they so desperately need? To even hope for the best feels like an ultimate act of faith…….yet it seems to me the best I can do.


With that I will renew my prayer……and send my paltry check to an appropriate charity.