MENTORS ON OUR ROAD TO BECOMING

 

  Mentors on our road to Becoming

 (Originally posted 8/2015)

It’s hard to beat a good example….a role model who can show us how to deal with the good times, and more particularly the hard times. 

It’s a fact, you know, the souls we choose to guide us, our “Mentors” if you will, help shape our life journey. If you are like me, a late-life traveler on the road to “Becoming,” you appreciate those souls who can model, by a life well-lived, just how fruitful October, November, and even December can be.

When I first posted this piece in 2015 I happened to choose a pair of then-contemporary examples to illustrate the point I wanted to make……the  differing impacts of a life well-lived versus a life that had become entangled in a maze of ego-driven side roads.....dreaming addicting dreams of being President, the 'one in charge.'

How could I have guessed all those years ago that on this very day, nearly eight years later, those same examples of a life-lived-well, and a life spent preening for the ego-satisfaction of public acceptance would still be so relevant?

In that light can you think of a more inspiring 2015 role-model than former President Jimmy Carter, ......deep in his 80’s, still building homes for those in need, teaching Sunday school, and smiling his quiet, confident smile in the face of a recent cancer diagnosis. Can there be any doubt that you are witnessing a strong faith at work? Perhaps late in his personal November he was still showing us how to make the most of our time and energy……illuminating new pathways to Becoming.

Take a moment to consider the lasting legacy he has created. Whatever you thought of the man’s politics, there is no denying that he has been a prime example of how to live a productive and eventful life after the “main event” has come and gone….proving once more that ‘Becoming’ is a life-long process. 

And today, 2023, even as his immediate future rests in the hands of a home-town Hospice team…..those angels who walk among us.....President Carter continues to illustrate an important truth. Even though he rose all the way to the top, he has made his late-life as important and meaningful in its own way as were his September and October.

Take a moment to think about your own life journey. If you’re like me you’ve been retired so long that it’s hard to remember when you weren’t. Yet chances are you can still recall the giddy moment when you finally reached the end of that work-a-day rainbow. 

Since then, if you are among the lucky ones, you have had the time and opportunity to pursue at least some of the dreams you dreamed on the way to your October and November. I hope it’s worked out that way for you. 

But what about our late-life peers who complain of having too much time on their hands. Listening to them grumble I wonder why they ran out of reasons to keep moving ahead before they ran out of time. More to the point, don’t they realize that in a world full of possibilities we never stop “Becoming”? We are always on the way to somewhere. In that case why not make the journey the most productive it can be?

It’s true, we will never be able to do everything we dreamed of back then. After all, our world has changed. Our expectations are different. We have new goals to strive for. Besides, our capabilities have probably retreated a bit, sometimes more than a bit. The old ways of doing things may no longer work. But there are still new ways that just might.

We have learned that when circumstances change our responses need to reflect our new reality. We must adapt. We have spent a lifetime using that logic in our career, our parenting, and our relationships. Surprise! It still applies in retirement ….one of the most important “change of circumstances” we will ever encounter. 

October and beyond is bound to be an unfamiliar world, with new rules and new challenges. If ever there was a time to trust our instincts and reach for the most inspiring role models we can find, this is it. 

I know there have been times when I’ve had to “adapt”……sometimes successfully, sometimes less so. I’ll bet you’ve been in that space too…. where the old ways were no longer as effective as they used to be, and better answers were hard to find. That happens at our stage of the game. I’ve probably spent more time than most people focusing on October and its challenges. In the course of twelve Tanner Chronicles novels I have explored a myriad of late-life speed bumps and their impact on October late life. 

My stories have dealt with loneliness and grieving, disability and dementia, depression and lost dreams……I have spent weeks at a time weaving those unsettling elements into a story. Along the way I have created friends that I consider October role models….who even in the worst of times trusted their instincts and never stopped Becoming.

I suppose I have always been drawn to the imagery of the “positive role model,” a label I gladly assign to President Carter and the life he has lived. On the other hand, the notion of “trusting our instincts” was an idea I had not explored until recently, when I read T. D. Jakes’ latest title……Instinct.

In the course of my blogging I have sometimes made a big deal of “change.” It is, after all, an important part of our October and beyond. So I was taken by Mr. Jakes’ way of addressing change….at any time of life, including retirement. The change he writes about is not an “off-the-shelf,” “one-size-fits-all” process. 

Instead, he stresses the uniquely personal nature of change. For it to be successful it must deal with the individual….focusing on his or her history, preferences, expectations, and perhaps most surprisingly….his or her instincts. All that, of course, requires serious self-examination, something most of us resist. Yet, without an understanding of what makes us the person we are, how can we expect to create effective change?

I realize that for some T D Jakes’ reputation will precede him. He is, after all, a highly successful mega-church pastor who often writes on Christian topics. For some that may be a red flag. 

My take on such concerns is pretty simple. If you disagree with Jakes’ treatment of change, and the role ‘instinct’ plays in that process, I assure you it won’t be because he has turned his case into a religious rant. There is nothing remotely approaching a sermon in the whole book….just his straight-forward explanation of the many ways our instincts impact change, or the lack of change in our lives.

Those of us who reside in a late-life world know the truth of it, change happens at every stage of life….no thing and no one stays the same. Our choice in the matter is rather simple….we can choose to play a part in directing our own change, or simply sit on the sidelines and accept whatever change comes our way. 

Perhaps you have decided to have a voice in the change the impacts your life, but are wondering whose advice to follow to make that happen. All those years ago, back in 2015, I cited a counter-example to Jimmy Carter’s caring instinct in the form of a yet-to-be-elected politician who had recently announced his candidacy for the US Presidency. My actual words in that post were   ……..

“Should you model your response to change on The Donald….on the juvenile “It’s all about me” ravings of a geriatric egomaniac? Or should you instead follow the quiet counsel of an aging Georgia peanut farmer?” 

Remarkably today, eight years later, it seems to me that question still resonates. It would be hard to find two more opposite role models. While Jimmy Carter teaches Sunday school and visits with his hospice nurse, former President Trump deals with a raft of legal and ethical issues.

Personally I am swayed by Jimmy Carter’s example, and T D Jakes’ reasons for relying on my own instincts, along with my old friend Wayne Dyer’s thoughts on the power of intention….all of which urge me to continue my Becoming, building on my role as co-author of my own story. 

In the end the choice is ours to make, dictated by our own soul prodding…..our instincts. And at the same time remember that our choices, and the way we live them out, are apt to influence those whose lives we impact, who like us are looking for guidance in the process of Becoming.